»How do I describe myself?

I´m a different regular man or – a special man in my very own way. As any other man, any human being, is something special in his or her own way.

I’m expressing my manhood by my entire personality, in my body, mind and soul, in all of my facets.
That’s how I love myself and my wife Silwe loves me, too.«

My name is Cian and I’m an intersex man. My intersex condition is called NCAH (non-classical-congenital-hyperplasia). I’m a male intersex person with a trans experience. Transsexuality itself also is an intersex condition called HBS, Harry Benjamin Syndrome. No generalisation can be made, as there are various causes for transsexuality and many individuals that were classified as transsexuals, indeed, do have other intersex conditions underlying.
Often, the term transsexuality and transgender are used very ambiguous. To me, transsexuality or transgender doesn’t have anything to do with changing gender or changing sex – this is impossible. Actually, an intersex/trans person is physically and biologically the gender he/she/they identifies with.
An intersex/trans man can be referred to as a boy to man or as a male to man trans/intersex man and an intersex/trans woman can be referred to as a girl to woman or female to woman trans/intersex woman. This would clearly point out, that an intersex/trans person always is the felt gender/sex in every respect, physically, biologically and mentally.

Best, I explain it with my very own experience:

»I’m a 46,XX (chromosomes) intersex man (NCAH) with a trans experience. This means I was born a boy but due to variant developed male genitalia, I was wrongly assigned female at birth. My body developed clearly viril (according to my gender identity), thus I was recognisable as a male owing to my physical traits (beard growth, adam’s apple, bone structure, muscles, body hair…) and my behaviour.
Energetically, my male sexual organs (penis & testicles) with all proper sensations have always been there and to me it was of vital significance to make them also physical experiential.
Owing to this kind of intersexuality, my body needed a medical support to initiate my correct puberty and to completely develop my male genitalia, to align my body to myself and finally to help my body to increasingly produce its own androgens.
This happened through a surgical alignment with myself. I transitioned from boyhood to manhood.
Through the interaction of my body, mind and soul my body functions are in every respect normal male.
In the end, I am the expert in my body, mind and soul and thus I’m the expert in my identity as a man and of my body.
All of my experiences in my life confirm and strengthen me in being the men who I am.«

An intersex / trans*man is biological male in every respect and a trans  woman is biologically female. The binary gender system of our society and strict classifications of what is considered as »female« or »male« have prevented serious research in this subject. Indeed, there is not binary gender system but a spectrum that includes all variations of sex/gender diversity.
 
On my special journey from my boyhood to manhood, I went through many ups and downs. To get the medical support I needed, I had go through the procedure the law required for transsexual people. There is no law for intersex conditions to get appropriate medical treatment for many cases.

These usual, medical procedures contained 2 forced  psychiatric forced surveys and various examinations. No other biological man in his teenage years, which is a hard time for a teenager anyway, has to prove his masculinity in front of doctors just to get the right to live his life as a man. Owing to the extremely burdensome situation for inter*trans* people in our society serious mental problems can arise. These mental problems are not the reason are not the reason for the difficulties in society – they are the result of society's awkward dealing with this subject.
 
The development of sex & gender is a complex interaction between genes, hormones and chromosomes. As mentioned afore, it’s a spectrum. The gender identity is determining and hard wired in the brain. The sex organs / the body are have to perceived according to the person’s gender identity. I came to the point where there is no objective definition of maleness, and manhood can’t be linked to physical attributes.
Rather more, the spirit gives meaning to the body. This true man- or womanhood in all it’s facets.
And when we learn to see with the heart, we are able to realise this.